SHOULD I?

I don't Know What happening to me recently. 

Maybe because of OT or because of I get bored with I keep on do wrong posting??

I really feel SUX...
I felt I wanna jump into the sea and lost! 

U know what?! 

I had studied 4 years of accounting, But I know nothing.. 

How could it be?!!! 

I also not understand... 

I know I studies wrong field when I in year 2.

But, I can't change cause this people object that people object..

I understand that, Be accountant can earn high income, but what for since I have no interest on it??!!

Okay lo.. I forced myself finished my study.. 

Finally I graduated.. 

But I don't want work as accountant.. 

Actually now the certificate just a blank paper for me..

Its mean NOTHING! 

I don't know what is Accounting. 

I really don't know. 

I so regret... I should choose the field that I like. 

But, TOO BAD.. cause now is TOO LATE~! 

I love many thing.. I love design.. I love tourism.. I love management. 

But, all those now just a dream for me.. 

Its just a dream when I get in sleep.. 

Those mummy just know " accounting good, accounting good" 

but, they really understand what I like?? 

I not think they know. 

Whenever I want go for marketing , they will give me face see and said " U LIKE LO" 

really felt WTF!! 

Okay.. Now I have do those account stuff for 1 years and 3months.. 

I have do nothing.. 

I can't solve problem about accounting.. 

What for I still working in this kind of environment...

I really feel want give up.. 

But I know, If I choose bank now, I must have car to do it but I have no car~!! 

Hopeless! Speechless!

Now I everyday go office do whatever thing that assigned to me.. 

But I still get do wrong. 

Yea, I maybe stupid!! 

1 thing, I know my colleague is concerning me.. 

She is my KTAR, UTAR and now my colleague..

 Yea, can admit that she treat me really nice.. 

she keep on comforting me.. encouraging me.. 

but I know those is FAKE.. 

She keep on say those words to make me felt better.. 

She know I take her to compare.. 

So every time she will say I do things very fast la.. Efficient la.. 

Yea.. I admit I do things faster cause my typing is fast.. 

But I din even want use my brain go think those transaction... 

Then, She will say "IS u teach me before"

Yea.. I just teach whatever the step of doing it..  But I not understand what I'm doing... 

This is like pig doing.. 

When she talked that, I just feel Is it I'm kid that need people like that "tam" me? 

OH FUCK!! 

this is totally SUX!! 

I really hope to ask her stop saying those fake word!! 

Stop comforting me and make me feel like I'm KID! 

I'm feeling bad about it! 

I not hope to make you guys worry. 

But, I really don't know what should I go next.. 

I can't feel his care.. He is too cold to me.. 

I just want warm care.. 

Yea.. Maybe my emo will make him emo too.. 

If he is here, I think, things wont go that worse.. 

See... LOng DIstance Relationship is like that... 

I have to bear everything by my own! 

I really hope I can shut myself off!! 

So that I can restart again. 

-XOXO-